I think it’s a fair statement to say that many of the incarcerated women with whom I work have been negatively impacted by at least one man. Often they are “looking for love in all the wrong places,” and I spend much of my time trying to help them understand that God loves them unconditionally, and their first need is to love themselves. I’m not really sure which comes first, self-forgiveness or self- love. Maybe it’s a single-package deal.
However, once in a blue moon, I sense a true love story, and I am blessed to be part of that journey. Yesterday was one of those exceptions. My husband, Danny, and I were able to witness an unusual event. One of our inmates had been married, but in her addiction, she got a divorce. She came to prison. Her ex-husband stuck by her and wanted to remarry her.
It’s a new day at our little prison that is growing. A year ago we had 96 inmates. Today we have 192. At some point in the not-so-distant future, we expect to have as many as 454 women. With that increase, and very limited funds for chaplain services, we are trying to be careful with every precedent we set. Weddings have not occurred very often, but we recently had two requests, so we set about researching how other units handle the situation. We discovered that if we were not careful we could spend all of our time operating the SCCW Wedding Chapel Express, and we did not feel that would be a wise use of our time. Finally, we had an SOP (Standard Operational Procedure) in place, and permission to move forward.
An important part of the SOP is for the groom to secure the marriage license and find a minister willing to perform the ceremony. For the afore-mentioned couple, this process started on Thursday and culminated on Sunday (except for the fact that the initial request was written in May)! To say he was persistent would be an understatement, but I also believe this was a God-ordained event. He didn’t know any local ministers, and I think he was not quite satisfied with asking a Magistrate. This marriage was about pleasing God. So when he secured the license he asked for and received a referral. He contacted the minister who was touched by the story, agreed to meet with the groom and to provide his services.
While I won’t feel it necessary to always be present for weddings in the chapel, I wanted to be there yesterday so that I could see this “first” and know what glitches we may need to work out in the future. It was just a bride, a groom, and a minister. I pressed Danny into service, and we truly were witnesses. I asked him to go to fulfill a signature on a piece of paper, but, as God would have it, we witnessed the hand of God. With the most humble hearts imaginable, those two cried through the entire service. I had, as an afterthought, plucked a bloom from a hosta outside the chapel door and given it to the bride. Then I took the crocheted shawl I happened to be wearing and placed it over the shoulders of her prison shirt. Beyond those simple things, they had no music, no cake, no guests, no fuss. Just heart-felt “I do”s, sealed with a kiss. Hugs and handshakes. Signatures on a piece of paper, and tearful goodbyes. Four of us walked toward the gate, and the bride went back to her dorm, watching until her beloved was out of sight.
Don’t be sad for them. The future of which they spoke looks bright. She looks forward to being home this time next year, rocking her grand-babies! In the mean time, he will continue the long, four-hour drive to visit his wife, and perhaps, now, she will be approved for home visits. But the most important thing, for them, is that they have set something right in God’s sight and in theirs. Grace abounds inside the fence.
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